


What We Don't Do

by NAOA



Category: Hellblazer
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Assault, Gen, Hospitals, Justice, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Institutions, No Romance, Nurses, One Shot, Original Character(s), Physical Abuse, Power Imbalance, Ravenscar Psychiatric Facility (Constantine), Regret, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23533645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NAOA/pseuds/NAOA
Summary: A grim little story about a new nurse at Ravenscar and the moments when the things we don't do are worse than the things we do.
Kudos: 17





	What We Don't Do

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I wrote this a while back but never published it, I'm always a little nervous the first time I write for a new fandom and I never published any of my Hellblazer stuff before and over time just forgot about it but here it is at last. Please enjoy!
> 
> Inspired by some issue I read where John was in Ravenscar and they were all beating the hell out of him. It's not that story but I think that's where I got the idea. It's been a few years so I'm not certain. I think I thought it would be a neat idea to write a story from the perspective of people who think they're doing the right thing but aren't. Anyway, thanks for reading!

Ravenscar had a new nurse.

A reasonably young and attractive, blond woman named Paula Gibb who by all acounts was utterly normal.

Paula thought she could do some real good at Ravenscar but on her first day she thought the place looked more like a prison than anything else.

The staff however were friendly and showed her around, the other nurses helping her familiarize with the place and the orderlies aparently friendly and willing to lend a hand.

She though that it wasn't so bad and a few a few days supposed that places like this were why she had become a nurse. Underfunding didn't mean they had to have a bad staff.

She wanted to make them better and so she was kind, she was kind to her patients and the other nurses and smoked with them on her break and gossipped and listened to them talk about their families.

She showed them pictures of her children, Nancy aged three and Brian at two. They were the best things she had in life.

They said she had beautiful children and she thought that she was finally off to a good start.

That was all until she met John Constantine.

Her first time meeting him was when she heard nurse Hull calling for assitance from down the hall.

She rushed to the door the woman was standing in and looked past her at a young man who had pressed himself against the far wall.

He looked absolutely distraught and his wide blue eyes searched past them for some kind of escape.

"What's going on?" She asked.

Nurse Hull glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. "He won't cooperate." She said. "I need him to take his pill."

The young man shook his head, mouth clamped firmly shut but Nurse Hull didn't look too upset by it.

She put her hand on her hip and snorted. "You know the drill John, take the pills yourself or I'll have Eddie force them down your throat."

Paula thought that a bit harsh and watched as the man drew in on himself glaring hatefully at them. "You keep him away from me!" He hissed through clenched teeth.

Nurse Hull just shurgged. "Your choice, John. You know how this goes and it never goes in your favor. Just take the pills so they can throw you back out of here. You'll be back soon enough anyway."

He twitched and looked at Paula who tried to give the man a sympathetic look, not knowing what was wrong with him.

Nothing. He looked away.

"I'm calling Eddie." Nurse Hull said.

The man gave her a venemous look.

Nurse Hull paged the orderlies and looked at John, unimpressed. "You bite him again and he's going to hurt you." She siad.

He sniffed and Paula didn't know what to make of it. "Surly there's another way-?" She asked.

Nurse Hull sighed again. "Not with this one, dear."

She looked into the little room where the man had pressed himself into a corner and was muttering very quickly to himself, hands over his head. She felt pity for him but here came Eddie FitzRoy, whisteling merrily.

"Alright, Kathy?" He asked, looking at Nurse Hull and cracking a grin at Paula. "Our John giving you some problems."

Nurse Hull held out the little cup with the pills in it. "He won't take them again." She said. "Won't let me get near him. You need Frasier down here too?"

Eddie whistled. "Nah, I don't think so." He said. "What do you think Johnny? Think I should get Bill down here?"

Paula watched as the man in the cell shook his head, wide eyed and stilled.

"Ah, I didn't think so." Eddie said, smirking a little as he advanced on the other man.

The patient pushed himself against the wall and Paula saw him actually begin to shake a little as Eddie pressed an arm against his chest and drew close, pinning him.

"You gonna take these pills Johnny boy, or am I going to have to push them down your gullet for you?"

The man trembled hard and turned his head to the side but Paula saw Eddie increase the pressure he was putting on him, saw his chest take the impact and his back strain against the wall.

Just take them! She thought, watching in horror.

"It's alright, Paula." Nurse Hull said, putting a hand on her arm. "Eddie knows what he's doing and John. . . well I guess you don't know about John here."

"Got you, you little bastard! Swallow it or I swear you'll be drinking your own piss for the next week!"

She looked back and saw Eddie forcing something down the patient's throat and massaging it down while the other man struggled and choked.

"God he's hurting him!" She cried.

Nurse Hull looked back, clearly unmoved and sighed. "It's alright, dear." She said. "It's only John."

"Only John?" She asked.

The other nurse nodded. "It's only John." SHe whispered as Eddie threw the man to the floor and stepped back.

They watched the patient curl in on himself and Paula thought she would be sick. There had to have been an easier way!

Eddie came out wiping his hands. "Nasty little bastard." He said.

"Thank you, Eddie." Nurse Hull said reprovingly, putting an arm around Paula. "Come on dear, I'll fix you up a cuppa. You look like you need it and I'll tell you about our John."

She nodded numbly and let Nurse Hull lead her to the break room and fix her some of the hospital's poor excuse for tea.

She tookthe mug with trembeling hands and looked at her in worry. "What was that all about? I haven't seen anyone treated like that since I got here." She said.

Nurse Hull sighed and sat opposite her, stirring her tea. "John's a special case." She said. "He's been in and out the past few years. . . personally I wish they would just lock him up."

Paula looked up, still feeling shaken. "Lock him up?" She repeated, making Nurse Hull shivver a little and nod.

"He's a murderer, love." Nurse Hull said, sounding sad. "Killed a little girl up in Newcastle. . . police never even found all of her. Poor dear. . . only twelve years old too."

She felt even more rattled to hear this. "I had no idea." She whispered, clutching her mug ever harder.

She thought of the man's scared, blue eyes and the way he had trembled when Eddie had pinned him to the wall. He had killed someone? A little girl.

Christ he wasn't even that old himself!

"Don't beat yourself up, Paula. I think it's good that you want to help people. Just don't waste your time on people like him."

She nodded. "Alright."

"Are you working late?" Nurse Hull asked, changing the subject and lightening the tone.

She nodded, shaking her head a little to clear the dark thoughts out. There was a child killer in the building and now she knew it.

"Oh, I've gone and frightened you. Darling, look he's locked up and if he ever gives you any trouble, Eddie wiill straighten him out." The other woman said, softening her voice.

She nodded again, not knowing how to feel about that. "I'll be okay." She said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She was being silly. The man was locked up and she wouldn't be in any danger.

Nurse Hull smiled kindly. "Of course you will." She said. "Eddie's here."

She nodded and forced a smile, wanting to change the subject and they talked aimlessly for a little while. Paula wasn't thinking about the patient or she at least was trying very hard not to and when Nurse Hull suggested they get back to work she felt emense relief.

She spent the next few hours, helping the other nurses and continuing to find her footing and tried to keep her mind away from the blond man down the hall and what he had done.

Ravenscar could have used a little updating but she supposed funding was always an issue and they were doing the best they could.

She distracted herself with work and checked her watched every few hours.

7:00 P.M.

8:00 P.M.

She said good night to Nurse Hull and watched her leave for home.

9:00 P.M.

She was off at 11:00.

At 10:13 she heard a commotion down the hall from the nurses' station and stopped looking at her charts.

The hospital had been quiet for a few minutes now and almost all of the patients were in bed.

She heard a noise again and put down her charts and pen. Someone's door was open down the hall.

She grabbed her sweater and pulled it close, shoes echoing lightly around her.

It was the killer's room that was open and she hurried to it, hoping the noise meant he was still inside.

Had Nurse Hull not locked it properly earlier?

She stepped to the door and stopped.

Eddie the orderly was inside along with Bill Frasier, Kevin Dunlap and Mitchelle Gordon, all ordierlies she had gotten on with fairly well. She looked around at them until her eyes found the patient on the floor.

He was curling in on himself, arms wrapped protectively around his ribs but there was blood. . . he'd been kicked in the face or something and her hands flew to her mouth in horror. "Eddie!" She squeaked. "What are you doing?"

The man. . . his name was John. . . John Constantine. . . opened blue eyes and looked at her in almost confusion.

Eddie was quick to her side however and covered her eyes, pulling her away in his arms. "Don't look at it, Paula. It's not pretty."

She pried him off. "Eddie! What are you doing in there!"

She heard the sound of boot hitting man and a yelp and she tried to take a step towards the door.

He put an arm out to stop her.

"Eddie!" She cried, voice cracking a little.

"It's not a bad thing we do." Eddie said, jaw tight. "Kathy told you what he's done. . . he murdered a little girl, Paula. That doesn't just go away. . ."

"You're hurting him!" She said, voice more shrill than she had intended.

"Yeah and he hurt a little girl. . . they don't even know what he did to her. . . what he did before he killed her. . ." His face twisted a little. "You got a little girl, don't you? You showed us all the picture the other day. Are you gonna tell me that if someone did to your little girl what that man did to some other woman's little girl, that you wouldn't want this?"

She blinked and felt tears free themselves down her cheeks. "Eddie. . ." Her voice was shaking. It was so weak. Why was it so weak?

"He killed a kid, Paula. The police haven't done shit. He murdered a little girl and no one's done shit!"

She shook a little but he put a hand on her arm, steadying her but as he looke din her eyes she heard a another cry from inside the room and trie dto peer past him.

Eddie blocked her view. "Don't Paula." He asid.

"Are you going to kill him?" She asked.

He shook his head. "Can't do that, there'd be questions but we can make him regret what he did."

She shuddered and clasped her hands to her chest.

"Sometimes, doing the right thing doesn't feel right." He asid. "But there's gotta be justice. You can't kill kids and get away with it."

She nodded and he gave her a kind look. "Why don't you go home early, I don't think anyone would mind. We'll handle old Johnny here."

As if on cue she heard a thud and a yelp and knew then that she didn't want to see what they were doing to him. She didn't want to see justice.

"You're a good one, Paula." Eddie said."Go home, kiss your daughter."

She nodded again, feeling weak and turned away, letting whatever was happening happen. It wasn't justice. It was something else but she would let it happen and just like that she felt is if she had lost a piece of herself.

She went and got her purse, images of her own daughter and of other little girls. . . little girls she'd never met danced in her head. Little girls that disappeared and girls no one ever saw again. . .

They looked like her daughter.

She thought of the blond man and the blood on the floor.

She thought of little girls that disappeared and of the mothers left behind, mothers without children. . . without daughters. . .

To be a mother without their child. . . she steeled her mind as she drove home, driving a little fast and a little recklessly.

She kissed her children when she got home and put in her resignation the next day. She didn't think she could work there any more.

She thought that even if she hadn't done anything. . . sometimes it was what you didn't do that was all the worse.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
